背影

pen and colour pencil on paper

(149x210mm)

This first happened a few days ago. It was during the 3pm break and I was sitting in the container office munching the 2nd batch of egg whites. In the other half of the container, half concealed by the partition which separate the contractor's half of the container from the RE's half sat the supervisor who - I guess - was looking at the PC screen. Now this supervisor does not in anyway look like you which somehow made what happened more remarkable. Anyway, glancing up idly from my PC screen I happened to look at his back for a while when all of a sudden instead of his back I see your back and your back is more real than anything in the world, and then it felt as if a giant hand was inside my chest and stomach scooping everything and wrenching it out. No, it was worse than that. I don't know whether it's because I had not actively thought about you for a while; the new worksite takes up a lot of my time, plus I'm preparing some works for exhibitions in July and August. I told myself I shall not write about it because that'd only make it stays longer in my mind, but the next day it happened again, and the next, and the next so I thought I should make a note. It felt bad when you left. I'd told myself it couldn't be love I feel; I don't know you long enough. But perhaps this is what it is; I do love you, and for me it's not over, and probably never will.